A Suicide Note

There was a girl named Kelly in my class at school. She was never the type to speak up but was also never afraid to speak her mind. Kelly always seemed so cheery and heart-warming. She was one of the nicest girls I've ever met. You know what I mean, not the "fake nice" kind but the "real nice" ones. Then one day around April I went to school and everyone was not their usual selves. The usually loud chatty people were quiet and the tough ones were crying. The teachers didn't make their rounds and some people were sobbing hysterically. I asked one of my friends what was going on. " You didn't hear? Kelly committed suicide last night..." was all she said.

I wouldn't say that I was good friends with Kelly, but at a small school like ours, everyone knew each other so well. We all basically grew up together you know? At that moment, I felt like the whole world wasn't as small as I thought it'd be. I felt much, much smaller. Everything around me seemed so out of my control and I panicked. I didn't know what to do. The principle made his announcement and offered counseling to those of us that were hit hard by the news. He also announced that all classes will be canceled for today and that we'd be able to go home. If this announcement was made in any other circumstances, we would have all cheered and left in a hurry. Today, however, everyone stood silently in their spots, not knowing what to do. I was one of the first ones to leave. I felt so confused that I needed the comfort of my bed.

When I got home, I changed into something comfortable and hopped into my bed. My parents were both working so I was alone for a while. The feeling was weird around. I didn't know if I wanted to cry or be angry and even wondered if this was all a dream. While my thoughts were all spinning in my head, I noticed that my computer was lit up. I walked over and was shocked to find an email sent by Kelly in my inbox. The subject read:

A Suicide Note:

To you,

Nothing made sense in my life anymore. I'm sick and tired of trying. Everyday I live in misery as I'm trying my best to put a smile on my face and act my cheerful self. It wears me out. Everyone always said I was beautiful, but all I could see was a fat ugly girl looking back at me in the mirror. Everyone always said I was smart, but all I could see was a dumb girl who couldn't even get a 100% on an exam. Everyone always said that I was talented, but every time I messed up, I only got back up on the outside and fell deeper on the inside. Now I've realized that everything is out of my hands and the world has abandoned me. Nobody cares or even wants to care...

I never wanted to go this way but the pain surrounding me is too much. Nothing has been going the way I planned. The pressure to do well has always been so hard to bare. Some of my friends who never seemed to care what I truly had to say or how I truly felt, I apologize to you guys for taking up your time with my complaints. And to people like you, who wasn't really a close friend to me but has always taken the time to listen to everything I had to say, I thank you. Tell my parents that I loved them. Tell my friends that I'll miss them. But I know that I've made the right decision in the end.

Kelly